I will be graduating this spring. Although I'll have a degree in my hand, I will likely still have no idea what I want to do with myself. I feel like I don't have enough life experience to make the right decision. But how do you get life experience? By living? I suppose what worries me the most is making a choice and going for it. I love safety and security, but to get my life experience I feel that I will have to give that up.

It's almost like I'm made up of two people. One part of me wants to move far, far away and teach English in some third world country. Yet the other side likes security, wants to play it safe. Go to graduate school or find a job with opportunity for advancement.

Does anyone else feel like you are totally unprepared for life in general and just wish someone would wave a magic wand and say: Here is you're life's goal and your reason for being. This is what you are here for. Or is it just me?

Tomorrow I have two interviews, and all my clothing is either a)hanging off my body or b) forming a second skin in all the wrong places. WTF. I've lost and gained so much weight I have a new body type than beforeand all my clothes were for my before body. Whatever I'm rambling.

Ok, I'm not sure I even want to admit this, but I'm so stressed out that I'm screwed up. While I'm consiously calm and with-it, I've been suffering constant stomache aches. I know it's because this is a really busy, wild week with a lot of major projects, papers and presentations due. However, today in Lit class when I heard that the Narnia children were killed off, I started crying. I'm not even PMSing, and no, I've not even read the books. My poor professor and class mates are now convinced I'm losing it, which maybe I am. Anyway, the point of this rant was to a) get this off my chest and b) Wish all my friends luck during finals and the "joys" of the holidays.

So the other day I walked to my car and saw what appeared to be a smudge of dirt on the rear end. But then how can there be dirt on *my* car? I just had it cleaned and waxed for winter, because it's not just a *car* to me. It's the steel extension of my soul, my golden child, my nimble sweetheart. Because you see, it wasn't dirt at all. It was the remnants of some hood-rat's game of lets-throw-a-cinder-block-at-a-car. Yup, that makes this the third car that I have had vandalized while parked at Fitchburg State. Count 'em: 3! And here's the clincher, to repair the car it's going to be $800 dollars, oh, and did I mention my insurance won't pay? WTF. So I guess that's Merry Christmas to me and my poor victimized baby. :(

I got a feeling some of the fellas would disagree with this one...

Society demands that we make something of ourselves. We have to be kick-ass females with the high-power job, the trophy family and the lavish lifestyle. So we stress and stress about what we are going to do with our lives to get to that point. What major will we have? What internship? What about graduate school? What ever happened to life and having fun?

I'm just glad that for 2 hours every week I get to forget about all this. I'm so glad I've started riding again, I feel like I'm reconnecting with the old me. The side that isn't wracked with insecurities and doubts. It's documented that horses are good for therapy and I think they totally work for me. Anyway I'm rambling and as you can see from the posts I'm becoming totally addicted to those four-legged angels. It's a bit like crack I suppose, with less damage. lol.

I just got back from a wonderful ride with Geronimo. He's a small horse (literally, he's only a inch taller than the pony cut-off), but he's an absolute blast! I can't wait until next Wed.

Went to King Richard's Sat.
Had too much mead (not a lot, just too much for me)
Had fun
But couldn't find Cristina.
Where the heck are you stationed?

Holy crap I made this dipping oil tonight that was just divine. Thought that I would share. If anyone wants to know what the secret was... all my ingrediants were fresh and most I grew myself. MmmmMmmm good

So I'm sitting in the commuter cafe right now researching mistranslations of advertisements. All I can say is I'm trying really hard not to shit-a-brick laughing and everyone is staring at me. So I figured I would share this gem with you all: if anyone else wants a laugh go here: http://www.ojohaven.com/fun/translation.funnies.html and a google search will also turn up this site of non-english speakers learning the language- hysterical!